And we are back in the pool

A few weeks ago I met someone online that seemed like a good guy and I enjoyed his company.

Except for the part he was married....

Now you might ask, how did I find out because he certainly didn't tell me?

I am good at research and listen to my inner voice.

Some tips for people in the online dating pool:

1. Listen to your inner voice.

2. Do your research. It's not to catch them in a lie but to verify they are telling the truth. The people telling the truth have no problem with you verifying that they are who they say they are.

3. Use all websites that are available like public courts, google, etc. Remember, we can be whomever we want to be online.

4. If they have no online presence, that should worry you.

5. Make sure you are able to connect all the dots.

If things don't add up....search, search, search.

By listening to my inner voice, I was able to finally connect the dots and find out that he was lying and was married.

Onward and upward!

Online Dating

I had a recent meet & greet....it was funny!

OK...not so funny.

We met at a sports bar near my house. I think you should try to look clean & like you tried to look good for a first meeting/impression.

I walk up and he's in an old hoodie, sport shorts and those vibram (foot shoes) I hate.

It didn't get better from there...his profile said he had a PhD. Only if it came from the school of hard knocks. And then I got a diatribe about how our country is falling apart and how he could fix it.

Ugh....next

Seriously?????

I have seen this guys profile a couple times...I often wonder if he gets hits with this.....

Now for the details...

Ok, I am separated. We should be divorced on July 1st, 2011 as we signed the packet on April 29th. We are quite civil to each other. No one cheated - it was the stress of two jobs (for 8 years I had my day job as a data analyst and a night job as a University of Phoenix professor/facilitator in order to allow her to be a stay at home mom. Three years ago she started grad school and the stress level just went up from there. (What can I say, we argued a lot, despite knowing how to communicate effectively) I pursued her for a year and gave up in October. I told her she is free to date and she knows the same about me. I'm not out to play the field - I literally would like to find a new wife! Ok, no hurry, but that is my intent. So, if I contact you, it literally means that (as far as I can tell from a few paragraphs and pictures), I think I may want to spend the rest of my life with you! We have two sweet boys (age 5 and 8) and they love each other dearly and we'll each have them a week at a time. This commits me to live in the Phoenix area until our 5 year old is of college age. I think the best match for me would be a woman with 1 child - a daughter age 1 to about 7. This would give us the common goal of raising kids (well, I'll have my boys half the time). I have always wanted a daughter, and from the first second we're married, in my mind your daughter will instantly and will always be a part of my life, to be treasured the same as my sons (they will love her dearly also). My boys are goofy and funny and creative and dont seem (yet) to have a mean bone in their bodies.

I dont want to have new children, so if that's your goal, then I'm sorry. I assume that a woman without kids wouldnt really want to have to deal with my sons, but I could be wrong. I guess half of my time, I'll be free to "play", but when I have my boys, well, of course I'll want to spend quality time with them. Every waking hour? No, but I wouldnt want a future wife to somehow feel like she wasnt the center of my attention (I want to give you lots of attention and be the best mate I can possibly be). I assume that taking on more than 1 child would put me at risk for being stressed and I really want my 2nd marriage to work (I dont work my 2nd job anymore - I quit that in 2009). I think intellectually, a woman between the ages of 32 and 42 would be ideal for me. Whew, on to the fun stuff:

Funny Things Seen Online

• A recent post from a girlfriend on facebook about a headline:

                       Great Woman Wanted but I'll Settle for You

• I was reading a profile and photos last night and the gentleman stated he'd never been married.  Hmmm...that seems weird since one of the 2 photos from your profile show you with a plain "wedding style" band on your left hand.  Most men I know don't wear a ring on their left hand unless they really ARE married.
• The huge number of men who say they are "athletic & toned" but clearly have a over 40 stomach and the startings of a double chin.
• People who use photos from 5 years and 40+ lbs ago.  I had two "meet & greets" last year and when I met the guys that clearly looked NOTHING like their photos.
• My guy friends tell me that they are amazed by the lack of clothing worn by some women in their profiles.  The funny thing for them is that most of these women state in their profile "they want a guy who won't cheat on them".  My question is....what kind of person are  you going to attract with no clothes on? 

From the What the Heck Files!

This is an email a friend of mine got from a guy online recently that she had been corresponding with but had not yet met in person.

Hi Lisa,

There was a concept I heard of a few years ago, but I thought it was kind of lame. But the more I think about it, the more I kind of like it. And I really like the thought of it with you. I don't know if you have ever heard the term "friends with benefits," but it basically means a man and a woman who are friends that are not pursuing a romantic relationship with each other, but they get together to do things as friends and also have a physically intimate relationship. They are both still looking for their "perfect match" (if there is such a thing), with someone else and actively dating others, but it's just kind of nice to have that unique friend that you can be intimate with from time to time as well. Once either of us gets into an "exclusive" and serious dating scenario with someone else, we could cease the "benefits" out of respect.
Anyway, if you are at all intrigued by this possibility, I'd like to make the offer for you jo Join me in Orlando, Florida, April 17-19. I'm pretty sure I'm being sent down to watch the last space shuttle launch and a day of VIP briefings before the launch. The military will pay me and send me on travel orders, so it's all expenses paid. I would really like you to consider this, since it's a once-in-a-lifetime historical event. Although I don't think you can attend the briefings with me, I think you can attend the launch with me. I'll know more by next week. And you're always welcome to bring your 2  year old daughter.

   Anyway, I'm glad we're still communicating, and I hope you might be interested in this idea. Neither you nor I are the type to sleep around, but we both also enjoy and miss physical intimacy. I know I would rather look forward to seeing you and still doing fun things once in a while rather than being celibate for months at a time while looking for a qualified match. And if we both agreed, neither one of us is selfishly using the other one (like people on one-night-stands do). Anyway, let me know if you think that's a toally lame idea or if you kind of like it. I know you will be straight with me.

AL

Seriously?????

So, let me set the stage for the photo below.

I have been doing the online dating thing for a few years.  About a year ago, a guy emailed me, then we talked a few times and then nothing for almost a year. Here we are a a few weeks ago and he emails me again...

Have I mentioned I take online dating with a grain of salt?  I hope for the best, expect the worst, enjoy meeting new people and enjoying the sheer entertainment value!  Believe me, there is much entertainment value!!!!!
This is a sheer entertainment value. 

I have to admit, I really dislike it when a guy gets incredibly "sexual" quickly, especially when you haven't even met.

Alas, that's the case with this one....

We have never met, texted a bit and only talked on the phone once in the past few weeks.

And then, I get this picture mail.....(there was a song that I couldn't get  on the post)

I am not a prude by any stretch of the imagination but seriously, this is what you send me even though we have never met and only talked on the phone once??

THERE'S A MASTURBATER ON MY PHONE & I SENT HIM TO YOU .NOW IT'S UP TO YOU TO GET RID OF THIS DIRTY PEST

Never going to happen for you buddy!

First Online Date....

I moved into the online dating area of the world a few years ago.  I am not sure where you meet people after you get out of college.

I don't date at work, I don't date my children's friends divorced parents or spend a lot of time hanging out in bars.  Plus, the bar scene in Scottsdale, AZ is really not normal.   There is so much botox, boob jobs, liposuction, bleach blond hair that normal "people" really don't stand a chance.  I always joke that my chest is big enough....but my body is not a toothpick, nor has it ever really been a toothpick.

Which gets me back to online dating, still a visual sport but it does allow you a wider breadth of exposure.

So, first online "non" date (his words, not mine)

We decided to do a "drive by" meet & greet on a Weds. for a quick lunch at a point between our respective offices.  So, that pointed ended up being the very sexy KFC.  Anyway, during the course of our 30 minute lunch he told me about his "deal breakers" in relationships and general views on life.  I was ambivalent but had to get back to work.

So, we proceed to text off and on through the next few days.  As it happened I was spending a long weekend in DC to visit friends before a business meeting on Tuesday.  As we were texting, he asked me if I could send him more photos.  I said that I really didn't have any more than were any different from my online profile.  That is when it came....."You don't have any pictures that are a bit 'sexier'?"

Oh, so you mean NAKED or less clothed.  Yeah, I am going to send those to you on my phone.  Needless to say, respect is a deal breaker for me and I told him as much. 

So, it was onward and upward to the next adventure.